How to Forgive What you Can’t Forget

Unforgiveness and bitterness affect you in more ways than you know. Not only is it draining on your mental health, but it impacts your physical health as well. Proverbs says that bitterness and envy rot the bones. (14:30) Scientists have found that bitterness affects the immune system, metabolism, and organ function, and can lead to disease.

Unforgiveness is something that all Christians struggle with, yet something we know we are called to do. The Bible says that we are to forgive as we have been forgiven. (Matthew 6:14) Sometimes it seems impossible, though. So how do we actually accomplish forgiveness?

Paul talks about this in his letter to the Philippians. “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,” —Philippians 3:13

Even the Apostle Paul said that he hadn’t mastered putting the past behind him, but he still strove to do so. And that’s what we must do, too. Make the choice to continue making the effort to forgive, even when it seems impossible.

I have some tips to help you move in the right direction.

1. Say it out loud. Satan plants seeds of unforgiveness and bitterness deep inside us and works to use them as a weapon against us any chance he gets. Sometimes we can break these strongholds when we declare forgiveness in Jesus’ name.
2. Don’t dwell on it. When situations from your past come creeping to the forefront of your mind, don’t entertain them. If you put them aside and focus on something else the moment they appear, you can often avoid letting them cause you to get emotional. I think of it like changing the channel on the radio. It may sound difficult, but I promise you, it can be done. Every time those thoughts come to your mind, declare that you are choosing forgiveness, and think about something else. You can read more about this in my post: How to be Transformed by the Renewing of your Mind.
3. Pray for those who hurt you. You may not want to do this, but you really should do it anyway. Pray for the person who hurt you and pray for God to help you forgive them.

I want to be sure and note that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you have to put yourself back into a position where you are in danger of being hurt again. Though Jesus made it clear that we are to forgive repeatedly, that does not mean you should not have boundaries. Make wise choices and use caution to those who have proven untrustworthy while you extend the same love and forgiveness that God gives to you. Though in some situations, that means loving people from a distance to avoid unhealthy circumstances.

I’d like you to pray the following prayer with me. Feel free to repeat it every time those thoughts come calling, dragging you back into the past and back into unforgiveness. Say it aloud, at least for the first time.

“God, I thank you that you are a merciful, loving God, forgiving us of all our wrong-doing. Please help me to be more like You, and please forgive me for not extending forgiveness to others as you have for me. I renounce any declarations I’ve made that I will never forgive (fill in the blank) for hurting me. I verbally declare that I do choose to forgive them, and bind the enemy from reminding me of the hurt I went through. God, please grant me wisdom and discernment as I move forward and lead me to walk wisely.”

And I pray, too, that you are freed from the burden of unforgiveness. Just remember that as Paul spoke of dying to oneself daily, forgiveness is also a daily choice.