“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” —Proverbs 22:6 KJV
We’ve all heard that verse recited time and time again, but how do we actually apply it? And what do we do about stubborn children who DO depart from the path of righteousness?
Something that I didn’t spend much time thinking about when my children were small was the fact that my children aren’t just MY children. They belong to the Lord, as well, and He has a plan for them and their future. It may not look anything at all like what I envisioned for them, and it may not be a future I’d have chosen for them. We are not raising up OUR children, but we are raising up the next generation of disciples. They are the next generation who will go out to fight wars, defend the helpless, feed the hungry, and rescue human-trafficking victims.
When I realized that, my mindset about raising up my kids began to change. I had spent so much time sheltering them and making decisions for them, and to some degree, that’s necessary, but as our children grow, we need to allow some exposure to what’s happening in the world so they are prepared to enter it when the time comes.
It’s disheartening how many kids grow up in a sheltered environment, and, because of that, they are either fearful about adulthood, or as soon as they have the freedom, they go out and make wrong choices just to spite their controlling parents. We should be instilling values and knowledge in our kids that give them the courage to face the world when the time comes. We should be teaching them how to lean on the Lord and hear from Him regarding the direction of their lives.
We do this by lovingly letting our kids make their own decisions and accepting the fact that they will make bad choices. Most of us learn by trial and error. I heard an old cowboy tale once that talked about the rare, wise cowboys that learn from hearing about the mistakes others before them have made. Other cowboys learn from watching others make bad choices, but, most cowboys have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. I love that parable! Probably because I’ve had to learn the hard way in most circumstances. I have no doubt that my kids are going to have to learn the hard way, too, sometimes.
So what do we do when our kids make bad decisions?
Well, first of all, we need to be led by the Holy Spirit. There have been times when my kids made bad choices and the Holy Spirit instructed me to do the complete opposite of what all my mama instincts wanted to do. In one situation, I wanted to swoop in, put a complete halt to it, and divide my daughter from the bad influences that I blamed for her behavior. But, the Holy Spirit told me to remain still and let her make her own choices. He reassured me that it would all be okay in the end. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but several years have gone by since then, and God has made good on His promises. I look back and wonder what would have happened had I done things my way. Honestly, I think it would have become a control battle, and it would have probably caused her to rebel and make even more bad choices. I’m so glad I did it God’s way. I gave her the space to make her own choices and, eventually, she began to make the right choices.
Now, I can’t say that we should always allow our kids to choose for themselves. That’s why it’s imperative that we are in tune with the Holy Spirit. He knows the end from the beginning. We need to trust Him and remember that the most important thing we can do for our kids is pray for them. Pray that their hearts are softened toward the Lord and that they allow His will to reign.
“For with God nothing shall be impossible.” —Luke 1:37
Even the hopeless prodigal can find his way home when God calls him, so keep praying, Mama.
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